acknowledgment

“We see things, but we are basically bathing in a fantasy world until we acknowledge the reality of what we are seeing." 

We see the red flags. 

We see when it's the wrong job, apartment, city, partner, therapist, etcetera.

We are not stupid, we are just blind by default. 

It's easier to be in denial than face the truth and reality of our painful situations.

The reality can hurt. And, especially after experiencing trauma, we can create a black out just to survive. Living in a fantasy is also a survival mode, because we're not ready to face what hurt us and what needs to change.

I had a black out when I was 13. It took me more than 10 years to finally break free from it so I understand that sometimes, the only way to move forward is through surviving. 

What I like about Family Constellations is the power of acknowledging. We don't go over and over the same details or revisit the same pain. No, instead we acknowledge, recognize, and consent. Then we move on into the present moment where the therapeutic work is going to be more efficient because the client is now in their power. 

Listening to my clients I have so much love and compassion for them, especially when they're in denial because it's an opportunity to name reality, if they're ready.

For example:

“Marine, my grandfather used to touch me a little bit inappropriately and sleep in the same bed with me when I was a little girl.” 

It's molestation. Period. 

“Marine, I was drunk and I went to bed with him but then it was so blurry and he was inside me, but I agreed to go to his place.” 

It's rape. Period. 

“Marine, my father was so lovely when he was sober but I was terrified of him when he was drunk.” 

It's violence. Period. 

'Marine, my mother only drinks 3 or 4 glasses a night, but she was a functional alcoholic." 

It's addiction. Period. 

“Marine, my husband does love me, he just has other sexual needs so it's okay, I just pretend.” 

It's cheating. Period. 

The list goes on.

And of course it is your right and choice to be in denial, to pretend that you're okay.  But, what about your Life? 

Because here is the thing, with denial you are not fully aligned and engaged with your life. Internally, there is a huge chance that you are creating some disease or inflammation because your body knows. 

Acknowledging creates a movement. A movement towards Life, which is a movement towards action and being fully grounded in the present moment. 

So if you really know — when it's over, when it's not the right time, when it's not the right person, the right decision, and you still keep forcing, fighting and denying that you are suffering, my question for you is, Why?

Why are you still inflecting so much pain within yourself? Punishing yourself? Self sabotaging yourself? For who? Your family? Is it your way of belonging? Is it entanglement? 

You have the right to be happy. You have the ability to write the story of your choice. And no, your past is not a life sentence, it is just your past. It does not define who you are NOW. 

In the NOW, you can be who you want to be. ACKNOWLEDGE  — look at that word — KNOW - NOW - EDGE — even the word itself is screaming to you: Take that leap of faith, you know what to do and it's in the now. 

Life can be so unfair, brutal, and violent, but don't forget it can also be beautiful and vibrant. 

It's time to come back home to yourself. 

Much Love, 
Marine Sélénée