Being a woman
Fifteen years ago, on May 19th 2009, my first husband was arrested in Miami for domestic violence while I was in Los Angeles, trying to heal. As much as that time of my life was hard, it was also the beginning of finding myself. The beginning of being a woman.
Fifteen years later, I’m now a US citizen to a country where I chose to bet. I didn't have a plan but I knew one thing for sure, I was going to create a life that I loved. It has been not easy, but I’m here today in front of all of you, thanks to my younger selves, the tears, the heartbreaks, the anxiety, the financial struggle, the doubts, the fears, the grief, the funerals, but also all the laughs, amazing memories with my second family, the love, the deep conversations, the surprises, the unexpected encounters, the trips, the moves – To sum it up, LIFE! Life in its most vibrant self.
And these last fifteen years, I’ve always had one question, who am I as a woman?
What does it mean?
How does it feel?
Everyone wants a piece of us. But, what about us?
What about our needs, desires, and dreams?
What about being heard? Using our voice to express our true selves.
What about being seen? Simply for who we are and not as our society, family, partner, and children want to see us.
What about being recognized? For our strength and weakness in our duality, emotions, sexuality, body and intelligence.
What about being loved? And loved enormously instead of accepting a few crumbs of love out of fear of being rejected and ending up alone.
What about being respected? In our personality. In our way of feeling. In our way of being.
What about being safe? Making sure that our no’s will be heard and respected.
I’m 38 and it’s only been a few months that I’ve been getting a clearer idea of who I am as a woman. Of finally, slowly but surely, falling in love with who I am. Understanding that I’m so much more than a body for men to use and please themselves with. That I no longer need to shut down when I want to cry. Or repress my tears from fear of being seen weak. Or tame my emotions that were often seen as too much. To no longer feel I need to lose weight, smile more, and be less defensive to be more lovable.
I’ve heard so much about me these past 38 years that was never actually really about me. But somehow I began to wear all of those masks that were given to me when I was constantly told to be like that, act like this, do that for me, do that for us.
It takes courage to become a woman. To set up our own standards and not give up on them. But I am here to let you know we no longer need to fight. I realized my approach was always to fight with rage, anger, and defensiveness while actually I was craving peace, softness, and compassion.
I’ve been at war with myself and a few months ago, I decided to stop that war. That’s how the idea of the Empress retreat started. Offering a safe space to all women who want more, who are done hiding, hating themselves, being at war with themselves, and thinking that they still have to fix something in order to be loved.
Today is dedicated to you. I just want you to let your guard down so you can reconnect with yourself and feel the beauty of being in your feminine. And once you're in that space, finally whispering to yourself « I’m enough ».
May you receive what is meant to cross your path today and for all the days to come.
Much Love,
Marine Sélénée