WOmen & Men
What happened?
What happened between men and women? Between the masculine and feminine?
The imbalance of masculine and feminine has been a recurring theme in my practice, along with my friends too, and within my own personal journey. I’m not saying that I got everything figured out, however, I do feel that I have a sense of what has been happening between us.
Born in the 80’s (until 1995), I would say that we are the draft of the new relationship between men and women. Most of us born during those years were raised by parents that were still figuring out new gender roles and rights. Especially women, the right to abortion, birth control, to vote, to have their own bank account, to work and not always stay home to raise children.
Society has always been pretty linear in terms of what men can do and be. For women it is an entire different story. Women have had to fight for their rights and not be over powered by their fathers, husbands and brothers. Women's freedom has always been scary for the world, that we could all live equally, together.
Going back to the 80’s, it was the beginning of successful business women. However, many women had to act and behave like men in order to be respected. Their feminine side had to become more masculine in order to get the same respect and rights in the workplace. So, it was the suppression of the feminine essence that made them equals, which I wouldn't call equality at all.
With women leaning more on their masculine side, we lost touch with our feminine which is all about receiving, softness, beauty, and above all peacefulness. We became more aggressive, angry and controlling. Which of course triggered the masculine. How can two masculine sides live together? One being completely lost and one being completely fake. The disaster that was going to follow was so predictable. Women condemning their emotions and intuition (part of the feminine), we started losing ourselves. We started feeling ashamed of wanting to be supported by our men and did not know how to ask for help. All the while, men feeling completely trapped and surrounded by control freak women, emasculating and belittling them.
In terms of intimacy, sexuality and pregnancy, things also took a toll. Miscarriages and sexual abuses have always been part of our world but I do feel there is a rise with miscarriages and difficulty of getting pregnant for the simple reason that the masculine side has continued to be more prominent in many women. And in order to get pregnant, women need to bathe in their feminine side. They need to receive from their men, to be vulnerable and feel safe with them. How can women feel vulnerable when they have been striving their whole life to be independent and strong? How can women feel safe when men don't know what to do with their power anymore?
Communication is the door to a better future. Respect between men and women, and support as well.
You can see how detrimental it can be to be in a family where the masculine has taken over. For example, the Kardashian family, or the opposite example, Donald Trump who felt completely emasculated by his own mother. Look at him now. Or any man who abuses their power with women, trust me there is always a difficult relationship with their mother.
Together, men and women, we can create the shift. Together, we can stop being afraid of each other, sharing our feelings, asking for help and support. Together, we can begin to trust each other again. We can communicate truthfully and respectfully instead of ghosting, gaslighting, and hiding behind our spiritual journey. Together, we can remember we have the right to talk and to express ourselves. Men can continue to open up and express themselves and share their emotions. While women can open up again and hold space for men. Together, we can be here for each other.
If men and women can finally take off each other masks and just show up as we are, complex for sure, but also longing for love and craving connection, a balanced relationship can begin.
Men are the vase, the container of the women. Women are the water, the flower, the beauty what gives the vase a purpose. Remember, men do good to feel good. Women feel good to do good. When you understand that dynamic, the rest will follow.
From a Family Constellations point of view, it’s generations of unbalanced relationships that have been passed on from generation to generation that is currently being reflected in our modern times. It is impacting our relationships and families, deeply.
The good news is, is that you have the power, with your partner, to change it and grow together, creating a new way of relating and leaning on each other. We can start to envision a new way of looking at equal rights, embracing that we are different and knowing this is our strength. Like salt and pepper, light and the dark, winter and summer, we can have that equilibrium to co-exist and create together.
There is beauty and strength when the masculine and feminine complete each other. You can create shared memories, children & family, and above all, Love. An unbreakable Love that will forever exist.
Reflect on this in your own life. Look at your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and discover the patterns you witnessed in the relationships between men and women. Were they balanced? What would you like to change? Where would you like to do better? You can start today, it’s never too late. That’s how we change and empower an entire new generation.
We are all part of it.
Much Love,
Marine Sélénée