parents vs partner

Whatever you did not understand and/or heal with your parents, your love life will be the playground of replaying that dynamic over and over again until you finally heal from it. The trick here is that your partner won’t be able to represent either of your parents, but you will be the one healing the dynamic within yourself by becoming the parent that your inner child wishes they could’ve had. 

The only thing that you can do with your partner is to grow. Growth happens through communication and healthy conflicts. What I call healthy conflicts is when the two protagonists are willing to be vulnerable and share their deepest emotions and feelings without blaming the other one or without cursing and insulting the other one. When you are in that latter you can be sure that your inner child is leading the show and it’s not going to end well. Why? Because after the curses and insults you are in exactly the same place and it is not going to go anywhere. 

It is beautiful to evolve and grow together in partnership, to be a team and understand that you can hold space for each other but doing the deeper work is up to yourselves individually. Sure, you can ask for your needs and wants, but then if there is no exchange or reciprocity, it’s up to you to make up your mind and decide what is best for you. 

How many times we stay with our partner based on fears? A lot. It takes courage to choose yourself, to be there for yourself and above all choose your own happiness. Ultimately I think by taking care of your own happiness and wellbeing it is a beautiful gift that you offer your partner, whether you ultimately stay together or not – it’s still an act of love.

Much Love, 
Marine Sélénée