a pattern of love
What happens when you lose one of your parents at a very young age? How do you engage with Life? How do you connect with the missing side, masculine or feminine? Will your love life be impacted? It's more than likely. Of course, not for everyone, but often I can see that pattern with my clients that I will discuss here through the example of Charlotte Casiraghi.
Charlotte Casiraghi is the daughter of Princess Caroline of Monaco and Stefano Casiraghi. Her father died in a dramatic racing accident at the age of 30. Charlotte was 4 years old.
Charlotte had her first son with Gad Elmaleh at 27 years old and they were together for four years. Then, she had another son with Dimitri Rassam at 32 years old, and they were together for 5-6 years.
Charlotte's mother, Princess Caroline of Monaco lost her mother Grace Kelly (52 years old) in a tragic car accident when Caroline was 25 years old. Eight years later when Caroline was 33 years old, she lost her husband, the father of her three children, in a similar dramatic car accident.
What do I see from a Family Constellations perspective?
Charlotte Casiraghi has developed the subconscious pattern of staying with her significant partners for around the same number of years that she had with her father. She also gave birth to her two sons, around the same age that her mother lost two very important figures in her life, her mother Grace and then her husband.
From my perspective, there is a reconciliation between tragic deaths and welcoming life again at two important key ages. But there is still the pattern of being afraid of loving more than four years. What happens after 4 years with the masculine? With a man on your side? Her little girl, inner child, until now seems like she does not want to know because her pain and suffering must have been excruciating. She got pregnant very early with those two relationships. Desire or accident? It does not matter. For me, it’s welcoming life, having that urge of giving life, sharing something together that will survive your own death. Her parents had three children in seven years. I agree that it was very common to have all your children in a few condensed years but still, I wonder.
So, what is the possible resolution here? Accepting the death of her father. Accepting the love of a man and not being petrified of losing him. Deeper work with her 4 year old self.
Just keep in mind that your relationship with your parents will always be reflected in your love life. If unfortunately, you’ve lost your mother at a very young age (before 6 years old), it might be more difficult for you to trust love, for the simple reason that you learned through dramatic circumstances how losing someone that you deeply love can make you suffer so much. Losing your mother in your teenager years, until 30, can also create difficulties and struggles with your partner. You will want them to represent that unbreakable bond and love so you might even test their limits just to create the dynamic: “Prove to me that you love me. Prove to me that whatever I do, you will stay.”
Losing a father is slightly different. It is often easier to be in a relationship but you have to develop a mechanism that will allow you to feel in complete control and in charge. We do know that a woman who is a control freak, has its own limits in a relationship and if the masculine cannot exist in your dynamic, sooner or later, it will end.
How is your relationship with your father? How is your relationship with your mother? Can you make a parallel between your parents and your partner? Your love life? Can you see the same patterns and/or dynamics?
I’m here to guide you, if you would like to explore this more. Give yourself the gift of finally being free to create a beautiful love story that will become a life story with a lot of love in it.
Much Love,
Marine Sélénée